Phone post

Lame and to the point.

Food: clementine, cashews, coffee. Mex pepper casserole gf rice crispies, flax milk, granola, ham, cashews

Drugs: 4IB 1v, Trazodone, Zyrtec, Singulair, Benadryl, IB2

Activity: nap at 8:30-9:30, phone, lots of computer, Anna’s recital, chiro

Symptoms: neck hurt and felt off all day. Went to chiro and he adjusted some cranial thing. Sore early evening/night but huge difference now.

Neck Race

Today I feel sluggish and tired and I woke with my neck, the side he did all the laser on, throbbing. In the past this has meant I end up barely able to function by the end of the day.  We’ll see how this goes.

***

Food: blueberry kale smoothie with fish oil, coffee (I can’t remember what pod), granola

Drugs Overnight: Zyrtec, Trazodone, Singulair, Benadryl

Drugs AM: Zyrtec, 4IB, 1 sudafed

Symptoms: IB got pain, and sudafed seems to have helped swelling, but very head-foggy and fingers feel fat and unresponsive. Feel like I’m fighting mentally to focus, respelling a lot of words, mild aphasia. Turning my head is okay but staring at the computer is hell. Have urge to nap but am not really tired.

***

Tempted to lie on neck thing and watch some TV to see what that affects. Killer is I feel all foggy like I took Vicodin, two of them, but I’ve taken none.

Also tempted to take a prednisone, as I have this feeling it would help, but everyone is always on my case not to take it, and what if I need it tomorrow when I go to Iowa City? Better not.

So tired. Much Exhaustion. Such disinterest in blogging. Wow.

Food: clementine, granola, Beeler’s ham, Cafe Milo soy au lait (huge mistake), several coffee pods, Tulsi sweet rose tea, chocolate chips (Enjoy Life) and WCWPB, several plain Canada Drys, Mexican casserole (I seirously need to write down the recipe, it was amazing) which was mostly peppers, some ground beef, and enchilada stuff with daiya, avocado, fake sour cream, cherry toms & lettuce, Vanilla Chex with flax milk. Lots of water.

Drugs: 4IB and Vicodin. I need to note that every day of this log I’ve taken Allegra in the afternoon but never write it down, except today I forgot to take it. Need an alarm.

Activity: Phone! Phone all damn day! Multiple convos of a minimum of two hours. No wonder I’m tired. Also took Anna to appointments, got stuff for dinner and got gas, made dinner, watched TV. No writing at all. Just phone.

Period: Day 1

Symptoms: Had sudden abrupt neck issue around 5:30. Had to lay down on neck thing and wait for drugs to kick in. Fine after, though still feel foggy. Arm slightly sore. Mostly good today though. Back a baby bit sore.

***

Mostly I’m really seriously wiped out and need to go to bed so this is perfunctory. But seriously that dinner. It could be vegan or paleo or just veg so easily. The peppers. The fucking peppers…

Sometimes I Pretend.

Food: Blueberry-kale smoothie with fish oil, Butter Toffee coffee pod

Drugs: Overnight—Zyrtec, Benadryl, Singulair, Trazodone, SS. Morning—Zyrtec, 4 IB

Symptoms: Sore right side of back, slight soreness in right arm

***

This morning I did this thing I do sometimes, which is where I decide maybe I’ve reached some turnaround point and everything will be okay. Why I thought this when I had pain in my back and arm enough to take drugs, I don’t know. But I do this sometimes, ride a ray of hope where I imagine myself in one of those amazing post-pictures on a bike all thin and buff.  The funny thing is I do its opposite too, where I flail in despair and fear I will only get worse and die at forty-five.

The truth is, I’m pretty sure I’m better than I have been, especially post-gluten. I’ll be wearing heels at Romantic Times Convention, and that’s something I haven’t done for two years. I still overall have a lot of energy, more than I used to. I feel, though, that there is a kind of pendulum of hope and despair, and I live in neither place. I shouldn’t live in either one. I don’t want to live only for the day in the future when I am “okay again.” Neither do I want to fear the descent into death.

I feel like I have to live right now, where I am. That this has to be okay. I can strive for improvement, but at my weight, healthy, ability level now I must feel I have done my best and see good things. I don’t think the hope is bad, and really, neither is the despair. They’re reminders to strive and not to put my head in the sand. But mostly I am where I am right now.

And really, now is pretty good. I want to hold onto that as much as I can.

In which the author lazily did not record her food and now pays the price.

I don’t know that I pay the price so much as I must attempt to recall everything, which means I will miss something. Hopefully this teaches me a lesson or something.

***

Food: Cashews, granola, Crunchmaster crackers and Oasis hummus (the IC stuff), Hilary’s quinoa bites, red and yellow pepper, red onion, crimini mushrooms, lettuce salad, Thai peanut sauce, Mom’s Best Naturals Crispy Cocoa Rice, Flax milk, GF oatmeal with granola, brown sugar, maple syrup, vanilla, White Chocolate Wonderful PB, Diet Rite

Drugs: None! None at all! Okay–except Vicodin and IB I’m remembering. Shoot. And Skelaxin. Okay, so I clearly need to write shit down tomorrow. Crap.

Therapy/Exercise: Chiropractic laser treatment. Some muscle in the front of my leg and the back of my neck, right side.

Activity: Computer. Lots of writing, blogging, TV watching with Dan, went to chiro, made lunch. Talked on phone.

Symptoms: Right now, awesome. Had lower back and leg pain all day, esp left. Got better after chiro but after icing I drugged to finish it off. Now feel fabulous. Slight soreness in upper back but that’s it.

***

Today’s big fail was not writing crap down. Today’s big win was that chiro laser, because I feel like maybe, hopefully, this could be the bullet I was missing. It was some cranial thing that fucked up all the conversations down my right side. I would put money on it coming back, but now I will ASK for it when that happens.

I really, really want to get back in the water at Mary Greeley. I want to get on the anti-grab treadmill. I want to build up strength and just do stuff. Part of it is I’m lazy, part of it is I’m scared it won’t work again or will somehow make it worse. But I’m going to make it my goal to call and schedule SOMETHING tomorrow. Even one day a week. Maybe I can make it my goal that if I go twice a week for three weeks I can have a two hour massage. Something.

Tomorrow is another day. In which I will write down what I eat and take for drugs.

Nobody Here But Us Fishes.

Food: blueberry-kale smoothie with fish oil, Butter Toffee coffee pod, Ginger Peach green tea

Drugs: overnight: Zyrtec, Benadryl, Singulair, SS, Trazadone. This morning: Zyrtec, prednisone (one)

Sleep: 7 hours, lots of waking during the night, intense dreams

Symptoms: Lip pretty swollen this morning. Responded to prednisone pretty quickly. Generalized soreness but nothing bad. Feet a little funky-feeling but not bad.

***

I’m kind of digging that there’s nobody here, really. I see some likes of posts and a few subscribers, but with my other blog at 2k and 60 hits after a week of not posting anything, this feels cool, like I’m off in the woods building a fort. I’m not sure how interesting this is, reading my food and health diary. At some point I’ll fess up to writing this, but I don’t anticipate people coming in droves, ever. Which feels awesome.

I have a day full of time ahead of me–an appointment later today, which can be flexible. Dan is off work today, which always means I’m tempted to go hang out with him instead of working, but what I might do is make a show or something part of a break.

First, though, I have to work. Which means I have to go back downstairs and get my headphones, or see if I could get Dan to bring them to me.

The Password Is Vinegar.

This is totally homework, sitting down to blog tonight. Just had to get that off my chest.

Food: Starbucks quad venti soy latte, 3T apple cider vinegar, 1/2 1 c Angie’s politely sweet and spicy popcorn, granola, The Spice’s green GF curry, Tulsi Sweet Rose tea, 1 TBSP White Chocolate Wonderful PB

Drugs: Just now four IB and 1 Vicodin. Will take the usual cache at bed, but if I take it now I won’t stay awake through this post.

Activity: Ugh, today was a mess. Broken up schedule, and I was exhausted. Made the mistake of working between lunch and therapy, and mostly I didn’t work and didn’t rest, either. Napped in the car after therapy while I waited for Anna at school, then took her to the chiro. While I was there had him check my shoulder, which had fucked itself, again. Took another nap at home, in bed, for about an hour. Took Anna to the library, where I did some work, but mostly helped her. Ordered dinner (found money in my wallet!!! Lots!!!), picked it up, and ate it, then worked in the chair until I got my 2k on CTO for the day. Now heading to bed with my Kindle.

Symptoms: Felt awesome all day, but in the last hour my neck got sore. I think its mostly not liking being adjusted. Of course I’m looking up at all the sugar I had today and mostly being annoyed that this little sugar can cause inflammation, but between this and the potatoes, hello. Feet feel pretty good, if a little stiff. Hoping for some magic with the laser tomorrow but not counting on it.

***

The funny story I have for this evening is that this afternoon I had a batshit craving, and I solved it with vinegar. I was tired and waiting for Anna, and I fixated on Lay’s potato chips. I resisted because I didn’t think it was possible for there to be anything in them I needed, and tried to isolate the craving. Salt was part of it, but as I unpacked it I ended up thinking about vinegar, and the answer I got back was, “That would do.” So at home I put 3 TBSP or so of Bragg’s in a glass, added water, and took it in two shots. It’s kind of like taking a shot but less fun, and reminds me of pickles (a good thing). It totally killed the craving. I’m going to try that again the next time I’m weirdly fixating.

Had a lot of stupid cravings today but was rarely hungry. The curry for dinner was an obsession. I wanted it desperately, wanted all the flavors and tastes and veggies. I feel like a lot of my food fuckery today was exhaustion-based. Which, I don’t know why because I was only an hour short from the day before, but apparently that’s enough.

I really have been sleeping through the night, though, which is amazing. Even if I wake up to turn over I go back to sleep. I think the Benadryl totally helps that.

Oh, I should mention lip is a tiny bit puffy tonight. Which, whatever.

Was thrilled to realize how well CTO is coming along, and how well 2k a day is working for that story. I worry the pacing is all over, but mostly I feel like I need to get shit on the page right now. They are so adorable, though. I want to pinch their cheeks.

I’m too tired to put a pretty bow on this blog post. But vinegar. I’m doing that again. Maybe even pre-emptively.

Potatoes: Not Good

A quick update because I figured something out, maybe. Plus I want to write up about the chiropractor. First, food and drugs since my last post:

Food: Cashews, granola, clementine, Canada Dry (plain), BBQ beef ribs, instant potatoes (with flax milk and EB marg), Hillary’s Quoina Bites, lettuce and GF soy sauce, Van Houtte french van coffee pod

Drugs: 2 IB

Symptoms: Almost nothing! Center of back right side, wrist still marginally sore but responds well to Blue Stop; right foot feels like it’s been through a war but recovering.

***

First, chiro: went at ten, and as Dan put it, “You sure got your $35 worth.” He adjusted a lot of my right side–ride hip, knee, foot, arm, some stuff up top, and then I told him my whole right side felt stupid, like it was only 80% on. I could lie there and feel the difference in neuro response between the two sides. He did some crazy thing with my skull (I go to an activator-only chiro) and right there on the table I felt increased sensation and control in my right side. He said “whoa” a lot while he worked up there, so I assume it was impressive, whatever my skull had done. Tomorrow I’m going to go back to have a laser thing done. I’ve had it done twice before and I’m getting that feeling like maybe something’s off and that would help. If not it’s cheaper than some of the other stuff I’ve gambled on. My other favorite thing about the chiro today was apparently my neck was all kinds of fucked, but I didn’t feel any pain, just slightly groggy. Which is a seriously nice shift. I’m saying the sugar reduction and anti-inflammatories is responsible.

So, potatoes.

I don’t know entirely what this means, but every instinct I have is that I’m on to something here. I wasn’t wildly hungry after my cashew-graonla-clementine snack, but I was tired and Dan was making lunch, so I said hey, make some of that rib stuff for me. I added instant potatoes to the meal, and made them up. Well, I wasn’t even five minutes out of the meal when I felt weird. I’d acknowledged it as hunger before, but as I sat there and thought about it, honestly it felt like bad wiring. But it was intense, this panicked sensation that I HAD to eat something else. I wanted a bowl of cereal, but I thought, that’s not going to help. So I ate a spoonful of White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter, which was much like those Snicker commercials were people turn from classic bitchy divas to themselves. Of course, at this point I’d already started the four little quinoa bites, which now annoyed me because I wasn’t hungry but felt compelled to eat them. However when they were done, what I realized was I really, really wanted some lettuce in there. In fact all I wanted was a little quiona bite and a pile of lettuce. I could have eaten three times what I did, but that was what fit in the bowl. I drizzled some soy sauce over it and wolfed it down. I feel very normal now.

But there was something about those potatoes, or the meat or both, but my gut is on the potatoes. I think between the sugar in the BBQ and the potatoes basically acting like sugar, my system freaked out. And ironically wanted MOAR SUGAH. That peanut butter was a magic bullet because it had both sugar and protein or whatever it was in it that calmed me. The lettuce, though, was amazing. I wish I’d had a little BBQ with the lettuce. Or honestly just had a pile of lettuce and two more quiona bites.

The good news is I was all set to nap, but now I’m feeling fine and getting ready to work for a bit. But no more potatoes. And I’m keeping after that sugar.

Good Morning, Sunshine.

I set this post up last night so it would stare at me with that cheeky title in the morning and make me enter everything.

Drugs: 

  • PM:Benadryl, IB (2), Zyrtec, Trazodone, stool soft, Singulair
  • AM: Zyrtec, SS

Food: Starbucks caramel coffee pod, Blueberry-kale smoothie + fish oil, Yogi Peach Detox tea

Sleep: 6 hours, uninterrupted, home

Symptoms: Right wrist very sore, aching arm to elbow and even above. Right top of foot still feels odd and I walk funny, but no discernible pain except for arm. Feeling pretty perky despite wishing I had more sleep. No sluggishness, no brain fog.

***

Initially this morning my thought is I wonder if the more-vegan diet will continue to help with the fog. I think it’s probably a low sugar thing. I’ve been putting maple syrup in my smoothie because I’ve been cutting out the second fruit, but I think with the kale leaves there’s so much fiber the sugar effect is nil. Also that it’s been four or five days in a row now of both smoothies and fish oil might be part of my success story.

That’s pretty much the sum of me right now. Feeling slightly tired but happy, no frustration this morning. Have chiro later and talk therapy at one, and picking up Anna at 2:50. Dan is folding laundry, so my greatest challenge today is feeding Anna and I for dinner and getting to all my errands. I’m feeling like I can shower now and alternate promo/background work with cranking out a few #1k1hr sessions. Probably want to take the time to stretch out my neck, legs, arms.

Really, really feeling like this chair is not my friend. I noticed yesterday in the car how much I liked sitting in the contoured seat of the Camry, how good that felt on my back and legs. I want to get that kneeling chair so much. I’m not sure what kind of help it will be, but I want to try it. The second a royalty check comes in, I’m all over that.

 

I’m already tired of posting and it’s only my second post.

It’s not the time taken to post that’s the most wearisome, though that’s definitely part of it. It’s the consciousness and annoyance of having to account for every bit of food, every little activity done. Reminds me that most people don’t have to do this, and it makes me cranky because I do. Except of course I don’t know that I have to. It’s just the next distraction and possible thing that might help.

Anyway. The rest of today’s accounting:

Food:

  • Starbucks caramel coffee pod
  • Smoothie, banana
  • Veggie burger with lettuce, gf teriaki
  • 5 oz granola
  • Tbsp peanut butter
  • Clementine
  • Venti soy misto
  • starbucks dried fruit (mango orange strawberry)
  • cashews (Planters)
  • Raspberry chocolate coffee pod
  • Oatmeal packet (maple & brown sugar)
  • One blue corn chip
  • romaine/red lettuce/spinach salad with cherry tomatoes, carrot, Thai peanut dressing (GF). Maybe walnuts. I think there were walnuts.
  • Almost half a Daiya GF roasted pepper pizza
  • One piece of Applegate Farms black forest ham (it was a strangely carnivorous moment)
  • Lots of water. Some of it San Pelligrino

Drugs, 3PM: 4 IB, 1 vicodin, 1 skelaxin, 2 stool softner

Also took some of that Aloe Vera stomach stuff at 11:44PM. Sort of generally queasy but not sure why. Might be pain.

Activity: Finished sorting laundry, wrote a blog tour post, answered a lot of email. Took Anna to the barn (45 minute drive there and back). Wrote on laptop at barn sitting at round table on stool. Ran errands before and after. Left house at 3PM, got home at 8. Made dinner (pizzas/salad) and watched Catching Fire with Anna. In bed at midnight.

Symptoms: Leg was wonky all day, but got a lot better while I was at the barn. I think it was the shoes. I put on my orthopedic shoes to go down, and they felt great. I need to start wearing them even in the house. As I sit here now, my right wrist and elbow are sore, some general back, vague pain in back of left thigh, top of right foot, bottoms of feet. No numbness anywhere, just some odd sensations especially in right top of foot. Back got really sore at the barn working on laptop but rubbing shoulder blades on posts helped a lot. No allergy symptoms even though everything was really dirty.

***

I’m kind of amazed at how awake I feel even at this hour. Such a huge contrast to yesterday. I wonder if I got into something maybe at Chipolte, or if the hotel had mold/mites enough that it wore me down. Eager for the chiro tomorrow because my elbow is killing me. I think my arm might actually hurt a lot and I’m doing that pain blocking thing, but it’s enough that I’m nauseous.

Mentally pretty okay. I feel a bit blitzed–the thought of reading a book is more than I can take, though some of that may be story overload. Read Carly’s Voice this morning, wrote CTO this afternoon, watched Catching Fire. I think my brain is solitaire-only at this point.

I feel pretty good about the almost completely vegan day. That piece of ham felt vitally necessary, but it was enough for whatever it was I needed. I’m going to bed feeling full, satisfied, and pretty got. Tired but not exhausted. Thirsty, though. I feel like I could drink a lake.